When someone "just don't get it"

- By Gwen Randall-Young

February 25, 2025

key points from this story:

• Judging others for not understanding is problematic
• Everyone has different backgrounds and experiences
• Accepting differences is key to personal growth
• Trying to change others often leads to conflict
• Move on from abusive relationships without ranting
• Aim to understand others' points of view

Is there someone in your life who drives you crazy because they "just don't get it?" Perhaps it is a partner, parent, child, friend or co-worker. They simply are not on the same wavelength, and no matter how much you hint, cajole, lecture, explain or plead, they just do not see things the way you do.

This can indeed be frustrating, but there is another side to the issue. When we view someone in this way, it really means we are judging them. We are saying our way is better, correct, or more evolved than their way.

Further, we are saying we are smarter, more astute, more in tune, more aware or more evolved than they are. The problem is, this is not a very evolved way of thinking and being. It actually could be perceived as being arrogant, disdainful, and lacking in understanding and compassion. An evolved person would not demonstrate these qualities.

Everyone has a different background, different experiences, and different levels of emotional intelligence or intellect. Expecting others to be like us is recipe for disappointment. Getting angry with them because they are not like us can be like being angry with a blind person because they cannot see.

Ideally, if we are on a path of personal growth and are choosing to be conscious, then we would aim to accept our differences and to see the good in others. We would attempt to understand their point of view and the reasons for their actions and behaviors. Further, if we are respectful of them, they may be more open to seeing a different point of view (ours).

Sometimes people get into relationships with one who quite different. They then proceed to try to "renovate" that person to suit their view of what a partner should be like. Conflict is the outcome.

If the words and behaviors of the other are abusive or demeaning, then of course it is fine to move on, or have little, if anything to do with them. This can still be an evolved course of action, so long as we do not rant about how stupid they are, or gossip to all who will listen about our negative impressions, but rather simply bless them and move on.